And today's lesson is...

...be careful what challenge you set your friends!  During conversation with a couple of friends of mine I asked, without thinking (naturally), what 3 new year resolutions they could come up with.  Could be anything; deep & meaningful, life changing or frivilous.  We sat there in stunned silence for a few minutes.  It was at that point that I realised what I had done.  Yup, I could wait until they stated their 3, which would buy me time, but it would come back to me eventually and being the person who asked there was no getting out of it.

I never was one who subscribed to the whole New Year resolution thing until the beginning of 2010.  For some reason I decided that that was going to be the year that not only would I set myself a New Year resolution but I would set 10!!  I wrote them up on my Wall of Wisdom & other Shite (kitchen wall) and crossed them off when completed/achieved.  I LOVED it!  I managed to achieve 8 out of 10.  I did not manage to do a Sky Dive nor did I learn how to make a dress (I carried them onto 2011...em...perhaps 2012??).  2010 was a challenging year of sorts.  I wasn't earning a lot of money, I was working a lot of hours as I had 3 jobs to keep my head above water - yet I was happy.  I wasn't 'fufilling my potential' in terms of the type of work I was engaged in, but the amount of hours I worked, the lack of time off & keeping myself afloat financially was challenging.  However having these goals/challenges that were not work related gave me focus and a sense of achievement.

I remember the 31st December 2010, I was house sitting, seeing in the new year on a sofa in front of the fire, with a stinking cold and a sympathetic friend for company.  It should have been a night of massive celebration.  Not only was it Hogmanay but as of the 1st January I had a 'permanent' contract for a job that I knew I was going to love (and I did).  But instead, I kept falling asleep mid conversation with my poor friend who really had drawn the short straw that night.  However, I was happy and decided that I didn't need to make New Year resolutions as I had, what I thought were going to be, positive challenges & experiences ahead of me without me adding to it.  And I did for part of the year, however I also ended up going through what has been, to date, the most challenging & difficult time of my life...and that's saying something! 

Of course coming to the end of the year, one becomes reflective, I've reflected....and, well...I'm stuck!  Because of the experiences I've had this year I feel derailed & deflated.  I no longer want what I thought I wanted.  The work I do is fantastic.  I'm learning, there is development in my near future and I have a lot of freedom...but is there such a thing as too much freedom?  Maybe not, perhaps I just have to adjust a little more...?!

I said at the start of this blog that I don't have a TomTom, this is still true.  I don't even feel like I'm at a cross-roads.  I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a really, really big field and as I spin around 360° the horizon looks exactly the same ~ in all directions.

So, I've decided to set myself some New Year Resolutions for 2012.  When I move home in the middle of January I shall write them up on my Wall of Wisdom for all to see (well those I allow into my home).

Here are my first 4...

1.  Get my hair cut (it's been many, many months)
2.  Loose 3 stone by the end of the year through a combination of healthy eating and exercise...mainly cause I can't afford the surgery!! For the record I mean by the end of year 2012...I'm stating this so that I can't turn round and say 'I didn't state which year!') 
3.  Start a book/film club.
4.  Save up, so that once I've lost the 3 stone I can buy a pair of fabulous jeans.  I really covet a pair of fabulous jeans!!

If I add to this list and I will publish - nothing like a bit of pressure to keep me on track/give me something to kick myself about!! =)

{FYI:  I was thinking about adding 'Give up moaning' but on reflection I've decided that I enjoy a good ol' moan.  There's a song that goes "Always look on the bright side of life dodo, dooodo dodo dodo" - this is good advice, but bear in mind that you can only do that if you acknowledge the dark.  Also it's not possible to be funny unless you are miserable once in a while - FACT!}

Give me a...Ho...

ho....ho!

I'm sitting on the sofa nursing the remnants of my hangover that I earned last night.  I thought I was doing pretty well because I've had my very, very hungover friend as a point of reference - and up to the point where she went home she was, without doubt, the most hungover person in the room.  However, now that I'm sitting here on my tod, I realise that I now hold that coveted title....poop!  The good news is that in a few minutes it's going to be Christmas and that means a new day - so automatically I'll feel a zillion times better....cannae wait!

This evening I received an email from a friend of mine.  We went to school together and we haven't seen each other since we left....what would that be...9yrs or so?? *cough*  Anyway, I think it was last year that we started to chat via facebook and then we moved on to good ol' email.  He began his email apologising for being a crap efriend, which made me laugh...he's my only efriend, which means he's both the crappiest and the bestest, so why apologise? 

This got me thinking about the different types of friendships there are and the expectations we attach to them.  There's your best friend(s)/close circle of friends, the 'meet up at parties, have a great time but never meet up otherwise' friends, childhood/long term friends who you think know everything about you and you them, friends who you don't have to keep in touch with everyday but the minute you want/need them - they are there - no questions asked, the friends who you met through a certain experience/period in your life who you may or may not keep in touch with, Uni friends, meet for an afternoon coffee on a Tuesday friend, random friends, friend of friends the list goes on. 

I think the most dangerous out of that lot is the childhood/long term friends.  It's the knowing everything about each other bit which disturbs me most.  It's a double edged sword.  On one side, it's brilliant.  They accept you, warts & all, they are the people who know what to do or not do in certain situations (eg. when you're being hormonal and being a completely irrational grinch), they know how to make you laugh (usually by reminding you of experiences shared, most likely something embarrassing that you'd rather forget, but the older one gets the less you mind because it serves as a reminder that there was a time where you just didn't give a ****), they should be the one person with whom you can be yourself - no explanation required thank you very much....on the other hand they also have the power/ability to embarrass/pull you up/remind you of past behaviours, actions, words spoken.  Fair enough...because as long as it's a two way street. 

I think where it gets difficult is if either person (or both of you) don't pay attention to who the other person is today or if boundries are pushed that teensy bit too far.  I'm guilty as charged, and I've also been on the recieving end.  Fun?  Nope.  But in the grand scheme of things if the good outweighs the bad, and as long as it's something you can use to your advantage in the future - suck it up and save it!

I am a very, very lucky gal...I have amazing friends.  I have friends who will drop everything to be there for me, or will forgive me when I'm grumpy/irrational/forgetful/insensitive/*add your own adjective*.  There are friends who come & go ~ that's life ~ (hopefully) both parties move on with great memories, and perhaps one day we'll pick up that friendship once again in the future in whatever form it may take.  There are also the friends who you've known all/most of your life and you know will continue to be there at the side lines to remind  you of that time you decided to give your little sister a 'proper' hair cut when playing hairdressers...if only mum's orange handled scissors hadn't looked like they belonged with my toy hairdressing set...then the idea would never have occurred!!

But getting back to my efriend (who I dated for the grand total of 5 days back in school...it was a lucky escape for him, and doesn't he know it!!)...as I said at the beginning, he's my only efriend and so he's my bestest efriend, what a lucky, lucky man!  I'm sure if he reads this he's going to feel like all his Christmas wishes have come true...which is lucky what with it being the 25th December an all!!

Merry Christmas friends past, present & future...here's to a happy, healthy & peaceful 2012!!

If there's one thing at this time of year you would not want to do...

...it would be to lock yourself out of the house you're looking after!!  Oh yes....that would be really stupid. 

I was out the back of the house faffin aboot, getting some fresh air, then I 'think' I hear the front door bell, so I run through the house, pulling the back door closed behind me (thankfully not locking it), get to the inner front door, open it, step into the porch and as I open the outter door I realise, just too late, that I'd let the inner door close and LOCK behind me!!  To add insult to injury there was no one at the door, probably just the voices in my head playing chap'n'run!!

After my mild panic attack, standing in my slippers in the porch, I realise that the back door was unlocked.  So I go next door and introduce myself to the neighbours, who haven't even met my mates who own the house.  Heather was lovely, she let me go through her house, past the cool spiral staircase she has in her kitchen then into her backgarden.  She then helped push my ample rear over the garden wall.  I can only imagine that it must have been quite a sight for sore eyes.

There is a point in life when you realise that there are some lessons you wish you had learnt early on....like checking to see how far you have to drop at the other side of a garden wall!  But in my defense it was pitch black and thankfully I think I must have been a cat in a previous life cause I landed (granted not very elegantly) on my feet.  The drop was taller than me (I'm 5ft6") and I'm sure it would have looked very daring had there been anyone who could have witness it other than Heather ,who was standing watching me disappearing over the wall.

But the good news is that I survived the drop & I got back into the house with out breaking anything...or me.

Lesson:  Not to answer the front door without my climbing kit on.  Note to self:  Buy climbing kit.

I've moved up in the world...

...I'm now living in a beautiful 5 bedroom house with it's own front door and thankfully servants quarters (it's always nice to have somewhere where the hired help can sleep).  For a whole month, I'm getting to pretend that I'm rich.  I was going to say posh, but I already am...just a poor posh person!

Two of my mates have nipped off to NZ for a month and so I'm house sitting.  It's one of the massive advantages of the way I earn my living, I can work from anywhere as long as there is internet access, electricity, heating, (...charshmallows & chocolate...)  This is something I seem to do a lot, usually I'm also looking after pets but there are none...but it's a cold time of year and I'm going to make sure that the house stays standing, that pipes don't freeze and that EVERYONE I meet thinks I'm now a resident of the West End.

I was thinking about this the other day, questioning whether or not I'm a total fruit loop/saddo for acting like this, but thankfully I've come to the conclusion that I'm ok.  And here's why...

Actors!  There are people who get paid a shed load of dosh to pretend to be other people and they are revered by society.  People want to know them, touch them, be them...why?  They spend their life being other people, and that's when it dawned on me...that's what I'm doing.  I step into other peoples lives and pretend to be someone else for a wee while.  I'm respectful, responsible and there's the added bonus of helping my friends out.  I get to escape being me for a while (obviously not fully, but a wee bit), change of scenery and it helps feed the actor in me (see I'm not fat, I just happen to be carrying an actor about inside my body!)  And the good news, for me anyway, is that I'm happy to return to me at the end...win win situation really.

I moved in yesterday, but needed to get my stuff...which has brought me over to my place for a couple of hours whilst I pack up my life that I'll need for the month.  This has to include music.  My very good friend Jamie gave me his computer when he moved onto pastures new...and he left me some tunes!  Combining that to what I already have I am now the proud owner of 39 days worth of music!!  Jamie has always been great at introducing me to new music - I'm pretty sure he thinks I don't pay attention or am not grateful - and ok sometimes I don't pay attention but that's only sometimes, but I am grateful, always.  It's through conversations with him that I realise how music impacts people in different ways.  He's very much in tune with lyrics.  I love it when he calls me up and says 'Jo, listen to this'...I do and think 'cool tune', and he's like 'did you listen to the lyrics?' 'Em....uhuh, kinda'.  He will then manage to recite them to me, and this is with music he's just discovered...crazy, but kinda cool!!

I had a couple of difficult days last week where I was feeling sorry for myself (pathetic I know, but hey it happens), I actually wrote a blog about how bloody frustrating it is to not being able to cry when you know you really, really need to (btw - I never managed, but I went out with friends got drunk and laughed instead!) but I deleted it.  At the risk of sounding like a fruit loop (probably too late eh?) I put on music and selected 'random' and I swear it was like a sound track to my current life...and I think I paid more attention to the lyrics because I had a wee voice in my head saying 'Are you listening to the lyrics?'

Yes I am, I really am!

Ass.u.me

It was my dad that taught me that to assume makes and 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'.  It's so true.  However, with the world not being a black & white place we have to make assumptions (read 'judgements'/'decisions') a lot of times every day.  It's how we get by.  

For example:  One would assume that if one was to walk in front of a car travelling at 40mph, that one would end up either dead or seriously injured.  It's this assumption which stops 98% of us from not stepping out in front of a fast moving car.

But there are assumptions that are not necessary and there are some assumptions which can be detrimental to our lives.  A lot of my life changing events, when I analyse them (yup, I'm an analyser) could have had a significantly different outcome had I not assumed as much as I did.  

Just recently I was subject to the consequences of my assumptions; I assume that if you treat someone fairly and with respect they will extend you the same courtesy - wrong!!  

Having said that, I don't know if I would want to change that assumption.  I repeatedly assume others have the same moral compass or principles as I, which is absolutely ridiculous.  I can think about this rationally and come to the conclusion that it's ridiculous to hold that assumption, but my actions betray me over & over again.

However sometimes, just sometimes, making an assumption and then being proven wrong can be a brilliant experience.  For example, I met up with an good friend of mine to go to the cinema on Friday (we went to see 'A Week with Marilyn' - I'd give it 4*/5*).  Anyway, there was about 17hrs of trailers, so we utilised the time to catch up with each others news.  My friend is a wonderful person, she's sweet, kind - very much a lady.  I think she hangs about with me in the hope it'll wear off on me - lost cause, but I like that she's trying!

So I was telling her one of my recent adventures.  It was a week long adventure with a very surprising twist in the tail.  It's at this point that I have to confess that I had assumed what my friend's reaction was going to be....

I don't think I could have been more wrong in my assumption.  I thought she would have been shocked.  Well ok, she was, but then I thought that she would have has a wee rant about a certain sector of our society...but she didn't.  My story led her to revealing something I wouldn't have guessed about her in a month of Sundays.  And you know what?  I'm so happy.  I'm so happy that I don't know everything about her.  I'm delighted that my friend's still have the capability to shock/surprise me after years of friendship and I'm over-the-moon that my friend has a colourful past, which is a little unconventional.

So does assuming make an ass out of you and me?  

Hell yeah, but that's not always a bad thing!  ; )

Gin or heating, gin or heating, gin or heating....

...life really is full of difficult decisions and this is the most recent one.
I spend quite a lot of my time moaning about not having enough money to have my heating on as much as I need - working from home and living in Scotland, it would almost be a 24hr requirement, if I wasn't such a hardy chiel (child).  I complain about the cost of my utility bills, which is fair enough - they are expensive.  HOWEVER I caught myself bonny at the weekend.  Who does that?  The usual story would be that someone else would catch you out...but no, no, not me...I'll catch myself out, thank you very much!!


My good friend Ash moved into a flat near where I live at the weekend, and so on the Friday she asked if I would like to go and see the band her brother played in The Oxbow Lake Band (they were very good....difficult to describe, very eclectic).  Had a brilliant night, drank, laughed, chatted, bumped into old friends...what more can you ask for?
Saturday night I had arranged to meet up with a friend of mine that I bumped into recently.  We used to play rugby together in the mid-nineties, when I say 'we' I mean Shona played (she now plays Touch Rugby for the Scotland Squad) and I pitched up and had a laugh!!  Anyway, we met again recently at one of the Business Gateway courses, so we arranged to go out for dinner.  We did what we planned.  We met up, ate dinner and consumed a LOT of alcohol!!  Hats off to Shona ~ she mixed things up a bit, she had a g&t, 4 large glasses of wine (btw 3 large glasses = a bottle!!) then moved onto Vodka & Lemonade...this girl is my new hero.  I just stuck to g&t...but I did exceed my usual 2-gin-jo status!!


Sunday, I wake up....questioning what I ate the night before because I was feeling a wee bit rough, then it dawned on me, whilst I lay nice and cosy under my 4 duvets & one quilt.  For some reason I have a problem paying for heating but no problem going out two nights on the trott and spending what I spent!!  Eh???  (When I say 'no problem' I mean it's no problem at the time....the following day when I work out what I have to go without for the next month to claw back the money I've spent...little harder...)


So when I say it's a difficult decision between gin & heating, I have obviously made the decision already however, I'm now thinking I might have to grow up a bit....OR just stop complaining about being cold!