If there was an award for "building sandcastles"...

...I'm pretty sure I'd be a repeat winner!
{To clarify: I do not refer to building actual sandcastles - oh yeah, that's right...I'm starting off a great big, whopping metaphor!}

When I was out in Morocco back in May, I had a conversation with my uncle Saad that led him to using the phrase 'building sandcastles' (it may or may not have been used in a sentence which included my name...).  I remember asking him what he meant, and unfortunately due to my poor, possibly selective memory, I couldn't recall what he said, but I had written the words 'building sandcastles' down, which I came across this morning (when I was pretending to tidy up).  So I did what any responsible adult would do when trying to avoid housework/work and googled it to confirm the meaning and I came across this...

"Sandcastles are very unstable, so this expression means to dream about something too far from real life.There is no real use from building sandcastles."

No real use in building sandcastles???  Pah...what kind of childhood did 'Brenda from Baltimore' have I ask you?  And what's wrong with "dream(ing) about something too far from real life"?  What are we to do...dream about real life??  Now that would be depressing.  Ok, so perhaps it wouldn't be the healthiest past time if you spent significantly more time dreaming than living life, but surely there is a benefit to dreaming...and yes that includes dreaming about stuff that is far, far removed from real life - how else would I be able to recall the hot affairs I had with Johnny Depp (2003 & summer of '08)/Rock Hudson (1994-present day)/Face from the A-Team (1983-1987), or enjoyed the time when I was discovered singing Karaoke in Hong Kong and went on to become a world-wide singing sensation (Autumn/Winter '06)??

More importantly, how would we cope with the aftermath of any challenging and unfair situations had we not the ability to dream about exacting revenge either by becoming a martial arts experts and kicking the living daylights out of the perpetrator or dreaming that one gets the opportunity to have justice whilst retaining the moral high-ground?  If life has taught me anything (and this is in addition to hearing my dad repeatedly telling me this as a child) life is unfair - it can be unfair when someone does something mean/nasty and you don't get justice (and learning to take it on the chin is no enjoyable walk in the park) or it can be unfair at the other end of the scale, where you got to have/experience/live/know wonderful things/experiences/people just by being in the right place, right time and all that (you shall never hear me complain about that!!)...but if your dreams can allow you to feel that you had 'justice' or the opportunity to make mincemeat out of some nasty eejit's face whilst not getting your hands dirty or gaining a criminal record then long live dreaming!!!

My point being that dreaming is really important - it is a coping mechanism, it is an escape, it is enjoyable, it is therapy, it (hopefully) stops us from doing stupid things in 'real life' (really wish I could claim that the last point was true for me...but there's too much evidence to the contrary I'm afraid).

Getting back to my memory of when my uncle was talking to me and used this phrase in the first instance.  I think he was making a point that if I spent less time thinking about things I can't change and focusing more on what I can, I may see more results.  I also think he was making comment that actual life plans can't be built on fleeting dreams (obviously dreams can be a source but you need to move things on from there).   This is fair - not that I've had much time to try out his theory this year as things have been really crazy since I started dating Gabriel Macht!!! :)

Too far.....???  :)

I've just had...

...not one, but two ninja 'moments'.  I didn't even know that 'moments' could be ninja, but there you are!!  

I am grateful for these two 'moments' that I wasn't expecting nor asking for.  Both are related to former relationships and because there had been no expectation nor reliance on having them they have been most impactful and I feel they have given me a different perspective. 

The first one came when I had a friend over for dinner.  After we had eaten we went through to the living room to chat and the conversation lead me to telling my friend about a necklace that an ex had given me after he had finished with me (pre-conversation I would've said 'dumped me' but the reality is (which my friend pointed out) he was the one who had the balls to call time on our flailing relationship and I've also really gone off the term 'dumped' it really is such ugly terminology).  I had worn the necklace once in the 5ish years since we broke up.  It's a beautiful necklace and it's not like I think of that ex as the love of my life, but I have to admit that I had difficulty with wearing it for a couple of reasons.

The first - I couldn't really get my head round the fact that he had sent me a gift after we finished.  We had never exchanged gifts in the time we had been dating so it came as quite a surprise.  

The other being that I felt that I ought to have returned it.  I agonised over this dilemma for some time then I decided to ask my friends for their opinions in the hope (of course) that they would confirm my decision to return it and (naturally) show outrage that he dared to send me a beautiful gift after finishing with me.  However I was rather let down on this expectation.  It was, in particular, my male friends that told me that I would insult him if I returned it.  INSULT HIM??  Insult the guy that has just dumped me????  Seriously?!  So I thought about it for a while longer, rather stunned at the opinions I had solicited, when one of my mates took me out for a drink and explained why he thought I ought to keep the necklace.  His reasoning being that my ex was under no obligation nor had there been any expectation on him to get me anything and that the note (sorry, forgot to mention, there had been a lovely note sent along with the gift saying that he thought I was a lovely person and he was sorry that things hadn't worked out blah, blah) had back that up....and no, I was not being a money-grabber by accepting the gift!

So I didn't return the necklace, instead I wrote him a letter thanking him and of course saying that I hadn't been sure if I should keep it or not but I didn't want to insult him blah, blah, blah...but all the time thinking "I should be returning the gift"!

This decision never sat well with me (not that I thought about it on a regular basis) - not until I had the conversation with my friend about it.  She listened to my story, then said... 

'Wow...he sounds like a really nice guy'.  

Me: Yeah he was

Friend: It sounds like you liked & respected each other.

Me: Uhuh....(not sure that I was liking where the conversation was going)

Friend: And it also sounds like the relationship wasn't working out mainly through circumstances and that you knew that yourself?

Me:...........em....uhuh.........are you trying to make a point???

Friend: Can I see the necklace?

Me: Yup

Friend:  It's beautiful.

Me: Yup, it is.

Friend: You must have been special to him.

Me: ..................em....................

Friend: Well, if you don't want it, can I have it??

Me:  Eh....nope!

She made her point well....and I have worn the necklace since.  The 'moment' out of all of this was that through that one conversation my friend has managed to change the way I see the necklace and the 'symbolism' around it in a new light.  I no longer feel that it was strange - unusual yes, but no longer strange.

The other moment was that I just saw a really unflattering photograph of another, more recent ex of mine on facebook and it has made my day (yes, because I'm immature...but I can live with that)!!!

Ever seen a dog eat....

...a marshmallow??  H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S!!

I returned to the city last night, leaving behind my wellies parents, Rebus, wellies & welly socks.  But a couple of days before, I was....wait for it....that's right, eating marshmallows!!  Standing in the kitchen, enjoying the wonders of those small, squidgy pink & white blobs of heaven, when almost unbelievably, one dropped out of my hand!!!  Now, on the very rare occasion when that has happened in the past, I've not had to worry about having Velcro-dog (Rebus's new superhero-name...explanation to follow) sitting watching my every move...and damn he's quick!
There was nothing for it, I had to just stand there and watch whilst Velcro-dog had his very first marshmallow.

I think there was a bit of confusion whilst it 'melted' in his mouth, and of course the weird squidgy texture was unfamiliar, but I could see it in his eyes when the wonderfulness of the marshmallow hit, the sheer delight, the pure pleasure.
I put the bag back in the drawer (that's right, I've developed a strength I never knew I had before now...I can put the bag back whilst there are still marshmallows left in the bag) and he sat looking at the drawer....for ages!  Any time I went anywhere near the drawer he 'pointed' at it with his nose - I do believe people that I have converted another to the wonders of the marshmallow (granted I hadn't expected that 'other' to be a dog, and I won't willing be giving him marshmallows in the future, I'm sure they can't be good for him (unlike for me...they are like nourishment in a bag) however, it's good to know that the power of the marshmallow has found its way into the canine world too!!).

Now, Velcro-dog!  This is because, despite his looks of a ferocious alpha hound...

 he's actually a bit of a sap and doesn't like to be on his own, so he goes wherever you go, preferable with physical contact, so he can 'read' your next move and match it!  Worthy of a superhero name I feel.

Today has been my first full day without Velcro-dog and I must admit that I'm feeling a bit lost.  I do wonder if he'll be pointing at the marshmallow drawer and confusing the hell out of my parents (is it wrong to have a feeling of pride as I write this??).

The wonder of...

...the humble welly!!

Well actually I suppose I should really talk about wellies (plural) rather than the singular welly, as I prefer to wear one per foot rather than just one in total.  More effective & comfortable.

So my most recent love affair for the wonderful welly began the last time I was out at my folks place, in the country, looking after Rebus...their 4 year old Labradoodle.  I was borrowing my mum's wellies to go on walks with the dog.  I wear wellies because we go 'off piste' so to speak and....well I love splashing in puddles!  (Why do I feel like that's a dirty confession?? - Who doesn't like splashing in puddles??).

Anyway, I had a business meeting in a garden centre...uhuh, that's right, one can have business meetings in garden centres because this particular garden centre has a brilliant restaurant which is rather civilised....and yes, I like to eat when I meet! 
After lunch and said meeting, I wondered through the shopping area - come on, let's face it, who doesn't like going and spending a good few hours in a decent garden centre...they are amazing!!  And it was then that I spotted my most exciting purchase that I've made this year....welly socks!!  That's right, I bought wonderfully cosy, pink welly socks. 

Wanna know what the best thing about welly socks is?  It is absolutely impossible not to look good in them!!  Fact!  Having a bad hair day...worry not, throw on your welly socks and wellies and people will be too busy eyeing up yer foot wear that they're not going to clock yer ragged locks, smudged make-up, or crumpled clothing (or that you're out walking your dog in your PJ's with a coat thrown over the top...so I've heard!!!).

So dear people...I urge you....go and buy yourself some welly socks.  And don't let not having your own pair of wellies put you off because I strongly believe that life will either allow you access to wellies to wear on occasion OR (even more excitingly) present you with the opportunity to spot a pair that you can acquire (for example when you happen across a 'spare' pair that your mother may have lying about the cupboard) :D

Enjoy xxx

I once met a guy...

...who strutted into my world, stayed for a while whilst turning it upside down and then left.  He made me laugh, he made me cry, he challenged me, he supported me, he was kind, he was cruel...he was gone.

Life has moved on, the way is does and the way it should, but you came into my thoughts today and if you are out there reading this - I want you to know that I think of you with fondness and love.  With all my heart I hope that you are happy and are enjoying life.
x

P.s. You took me on the best date I ever had, so simple yet so perfect.

Thank you xx

The day I got...

...pooped on!!

Thankfully it was just by a bird, but still, not a pleasant experience.  Of course my friend, once she stopped laughing, told me that it is meant to be lucky!  Now, seriously...who makes that (excuse my pun) shite up??  And lucky for who??

I decided that there was only one thing to do...and that was, of course, ask Google!

So I typed in "Why is it considered lucky when a bird poops on your head?"
Google came back with a link to http://www.wofs.com/ with their page called 18 Omens of Good Fortune.

Their opening blurb made sense as I do think that there is a universal belief in good & bad luck (are we allowed to call it 'bad luck' these days or are we meant to refer to it as 'challenging luck'??)...

"18 Omens of Good Fortune

Belief in lucky and unlucky omens has always been a universal part of our psyche. Like it or not, many of us believe in signs of good fortune and impending misfortune. The greatest leaders of the world believe in it, philosophers think seriously about it, while actresses, gamblers and celebrities are hopelessly obsessive about it. Ordinary people engage in rituals and wear an infinite variety of charms to attract good portents. We believe in lucky and unlucky days. We have our favourite good luck amulets. 

Our belief in lucky and unlucky signs is almost subconscious, so much so that we constantly interpret the most commonplace things that happen to us as suggesting either good or bad luck. A broken mirror, inadvertently walking under a ladder, getting stung by a bee or dreaming of white tigers – each time something remotely out of the ordinary happen to us, instantly we wonder if it will bring us good or bad luck." 

So I quickly scanned down the page to Item 3.

"When Bird Droppings Land On Your Head

 Many people believe this to be a major sign of wealth coming from heaven. Hence, although, it is really yucky and a major inconvenience, when something like this happens to you, take comfort in the fact that this is described as good luck being just around the corner!"  

Woooohoooo....having now done my thorough research and not only that, it was brought to me (read 'endorsed') by Google, I've decided that I might try and walk under birds more often!!  Not sure that that's the way it works out but worth a try I'm sure!

For the record, I'm also going to...

try and get bats to nest in my home ("one of the most powerful indications that the family is about to become seriously wealthy"), 

spend a lot of time trying to find my initials in spider webs ("said to be an indication you will have good luck forever. All your plans will develop to fruition and whatever obstacles may be blocking your projects will be dissolved. Like the spider, you will attract food and money without even trying! This actually happens more commonly than you realize."... sign me up spiders, sign me up!!)

meet up with cows more regularly (I'm assuming they are referring to the animal version!) - ("Is said to be a most auspicious sign as the cow is a symbol of prosperity and fertility. Of course this is not something likely to happen in big cities except perhaps in India where the cow is so highly revered it is allowed to roam freely on roads and highways and motorists are required by law not to run them down. But if you do take a drive to the countryside one day and are confronted by a cow, rejoice, because it suggests great good fortune coming your way!")

And if anyone has a white dog that they want to gift me (they bring love & romance apparently) it shall be gladly received!!

However, getting back to the day I got pooped on...it actually did bring me good fortune that day, I unexpectedly sold one of my art work pieces & got introduced to someone who I suspect/hope shall become a friend!! :)

3 easy steps...

...to stop exercising and start inflating!!

So last week I met up with a very good french friend of mine for a coffee.  We are members of the same gym.  I would love to say that we 'go to the same gym', but up until last Thursday I seemed to have forgotten where my gym was located.  This is how the conversation went:

Jb:  Joanna, you haven't been going to the gym.  You need to go back to the gym.
Me:  Yeah, yeah, I know...I keep meaning to go back, it's just that I...yeah, I need to go back!
Jb:  No, no...I mean it...you are inflating!!

I think that it takes a special kind of person to be able to say something like that and 1. not get a slap in the face & 2. make the person on the receiving end of that comment laugh out loud!  I think it helps that he has a french accent...took the edge off I think!!

It got me thinking.  How come I went from loving going to the gym - more than that, if I didn't go I was finding that I wasn't feeling right...verging on grumpy - to not being able to motivate myself at all??  Then I realised that it breaks down into 3 very simple steps.

Step 1.  The Reason.
For me, in this case, I was away from home a lot.  Moving about, living in other people's homes dog sitting...therefore I was replacing my gym time with walking or jogging with the dogs.  Which is absolutely fair enough.

Step 2.  The Excuses.
These start the minute I moved back home, was no longer away from the gym and using my gym time to walk dogs, yet not 'managing' to get back to the gym.

Step 3.  The Fear.
The fear sneaks up on you.  You're comfortably making excuses about not going to the gym when one day you realise that when you are thinking about going along to the gym, it's no longer about 'not having time' etc it's about the nervous butterfly feeling you get and the dread of facing up to the loss of fitness that you'd built before you had your 'reason' for not going.  Also the fear of the inevitable pain/discomfort that you'll get once you exercise again.

So...having a friend who has the balls to tell you that you are 'inflating', believe it or not, is a blessing!!

Of course one of the main reasons that I've got the confidence to write this blog entry is because I started back at the gym last Thursday and was back there yesterday (was away for the weekend) and am going to go back tomorrow....bravo!!

Two plus two equals...

....a truth (that I had not acknowledged/been aware of/appreciated).

I had a really interesting conversation with a new friend the other day.  We met after she opened her studio down the road from my penthouse, I walked in one afternoon, not long after she had opened and we got chatting.  We have common ground in that we both graduated from Gray's School of Art in the early naughties...and over the past couple of months, after I found out that she makes an afa fine (good) cuppa coffee, it's now my local!! :)

Her studio and the people I've met there have inspired me to start being creative again and I'm LOVING it.  But I digress...the conversation we were having the other day revealed that we have another thing in common - we are both really fast learners BUT are really crap at retaining the new skill/knowledge/information for very long.

I suppose it's quite strange to think that at the mature age of 28½ (yes, that's right, I've aged) that I'm still learning things about myself.  I always knew that I was quick to pick things up (I don't mean other peoples' possessions - that would be theft - I mean skills) but I also knew that over the years I had 'learnt' that I didn't really enjoy sticking at things, I like to move on.  I love learning new things and experiencing different aspects of life.  There's nothing wrong with that in itself - but it wasn't until that conversation that I had with new friend that I realised that my attitude has been borne out of experiencing the high, pride and enjoyment of being praised for the speed at which I pick up new skills to then living through the disappointment of not being able to maintain that level of expectation, both from myself and others, when I next go back to whatever it was that I learnt...and, quite frankly, being rubbish at it.

I never put two & two together before...and to be honest I'm not sure that I enjoy counting anymore!!

So it appears that I have another 'weakness' to add to my list...sitting right along beside marshmallows (which incidently I've introduced new friend to...coffee & marshmallows...hmmmmmm).

How to fall flat on your face...more than once!

  And yes, of course, I mean that both metaphorically and physically.


Metaphorically

Some times I find it easier to be me than at other times.  This past month or so, I've not being doing a very good job (deliberately being ambiguous about just how long...definitely no need to be specific).  I've no sense of routine or achievement at the moment and I've fallen off a few bandwagons.

For one, I appear to have re-found my love of marshmallows - but to be fair on myself, there is no Marshmallows Anonymous to give the me the support I need when I hit a weak patch.  I have managed to go 3 days without buying or eating any (who am I trying to kid, I don't think I've ever bought a pack and not eaten them, so there really was no need to list 'buying' and 'eating' separately as they are one and the same in this instance.

I've also not been as strict with my food as I should be - but am now paying the price.  Thankfully I hit a 'whatthehellamIdoing' moment this evening, so shall start afresh tomorrow.
And for numerous reasons my routine of going to the gym has been patchy.  This week I was booked into a heap of classes, but unfortunately I woke up last Saturday with a stinking cold and I haven't managed to shift it at all this week.  This has meant that I haven't gone to the gym this past week and I feel poop because of it.

Work - I need to be very disciplined to get on with my job as I work from home.  I think I've managed to clock about 9.5hrs this week and that in itself speaks volumes (guess who's going to be putting in hours over the weekend!?).


Physically


Before my cold arrived, I managed to go to the gym a couple of times.  A week past Thursday I ran on the treadmill for a bit before joining my TRX class.  Admittedly, it's been a wee while since I've gone along to the TRX class...and I was rubbish...really, really rubbish.  Unfortunately, due to lack of upper body strength and a momentary lap of focus...I fell flat on my face.  However, I am quite a determined person (when I set my mind to it) so I got up (yes, of course I was yabbering on the whole time) and tried again...only to fall at the same hurdle and down I went!

So, are there any lessons to be noted from this chapter of my life?

Yes there are...and that is that some chapters need to be shorter than others...here's hoping this is one of them.  (And it could be beneficial to learn how to fall on ones face in a slightly quieter manner...especially when in a gym, surrounded by lots of people).

After a wee commercial break...

...I'm BACK!!  :)

I feel like I've just had a commercial break from my usual 'life' over the past two months.  In May I spent the majority of my time in Morocco, then in June I've faffed about doing stuff - dog sitting, visiting the studio in Torry Village (which I seem to think is a coffee shop!!), having a 10 day 'relationship' (am thinking with a bit of practice I might manage to get relationships down to a week!!!  Maybe I should write a book, could be an international best seller.....?!), weekend in Norway etc.

All been most splendid, but I realised at the end of last week that I need to get back into my routine.  I need routine to function properly...to make sure that I work enough hours in the week, to make sure that I'm going to the gym regularly...to make sure that I actually achieve all the things I want to achieve.

By the beginning of May I had lost 10.4kgs.  I'm happy (& rather shocked) to announce that I've kept the weight off...but I've let my fitness drop (found out the hard way when I went along to the gym today).  I've still want to lose another 15kgs or so and improve my fitness levels a LOT so time to refocus.  I have booked myself into all the classes I want to do and have my plan on how I'm going to step it up a gear once I'm ready.  I've also got my 'markers'...wedding in August and another in October.

So I was sitting here all smug with myself, when it hit me – what am I going to do next?  What am I going to focus on once I’ve achieved the weight loss and fitness that I’m aiming for???

This is quite typical of me, fretting over something that’s not yet an issue…and some might say that I should focus on achieving my current goals…but what do they know?!  So if anyone out there has any ideas on what I could make as my next goal(s), drop me a line. 

In the meantime I’m pleased to report that my ‘live life like a tourist’ mantra is working out rather splendidly.  Lots of fun ~ which of course my mates may disagree with when I’m constantly sticking my camera in their faces…but someone has to suffer for my art, and I don’t think it should be me!!

My new challenge is...

...to become a tourist at home!!

I got home from Morocco and for some reason decided that I was going to continue being a tourist!  I had such an amazing time when I was away ~ I think that we (yup, I'm including everyone, without doing a survey or questionnaire to back up this particular theory (or let's face it any other theory that I've come up with)) allow ourselves to notice and appreciate our surroundings more when they are a novelty ~ and now I'm questioning that.  Why restrict ourselves to only really seeing and enjoying our surroundings when away from home?

When I was away I hardly left the house without having my camera in my handbag - where as in my every day life i usually only have my camera on my person for an 'occasion'.  Surely every day should be an occasion?  Let's face it - it might be our last one....so why not enjoy and live it to the full?

So my plan is to carry my camera around with me a lot more and capture those moments that I would photograph when away.  I don't want to live my life through the lens, but I certainly would like to capture more of the things/people/places/events that I experience each day.  I am also going to make an effort to get involved with more events which, to be candid, I'd have probably turned my nose up at OR decided that it was going to be crap without experiencing or participating.  For example I made the effort to go into the centre of Aberdeen to join in with the Olympic Torch celebrations...and I had a brilliant time.  Granted I was with 3 of my amazing friends, however, I am still glad that I made the effort to go, join in and soak up the atmosphere.  Of course, there was the added bonus that there was some magnificent people-watching thrown in for free!!

I also have found myself starting to listen to local radio....and I have to confess that I haven't re-tuned to go back to my usual BBC yet.  What is going on??  Not quite sure, but I'm willing to roll with it :)

P.s. Have lost 23lbs (10.4kgs) to date.  Weight loss and fitness has flat-lined since coming home BUT I haven't put any weight back on and I've just got a re-newed enthusiasm to push myself harder...just need to turn my words into action and Bob's yer uncle and Annie's yer fant!!

Crunch time...

...but unfortunately I don't mean crunch as in 'Cadbury's Crunchie' but as in I could very nearly fall off the bandwagon and I really, really need to...well, not!

To date I've lost 23lbs (10.4kg).  However, I went on holiday to Morocco for 3 weeks and didn't really do any exercise whilst I was away, for one reason or another, and since I've been back (just over a week) I've been under the weather with some kind of virus or something.  So I'm now beginning to panic that I'll just stop going to the gym and not even notice!  It could happen!  How do I know?  Because I've seen it happen!!

I have missed exercising, I missed it whilst I was on holiday and I've missed it being back home.  Life feels weird being back and having not gone to the gym yet ~ but how long will that last?  I know that I've lost a lot of my fitness over the past month, but I also know that it will come back quickly as long as I don't leave it too long.

So as things stand I need to get well (still feeling like poo) and then get back to the gym as soon as possible.  In the mean time I have to confess to buying a bag of marshmallows!!!  Yes, yes, I know.......but what's done is done.  Actually my confession doesn't stop there....I didn't just buy the bag of marshmallows, I also ate them!!  I mean, let's face it, there's no point in buying them to look at!

I am nearly half way in my weight loss.  I still have another 21-28lbs (9.5-12.7kgs) to go and that's not going to happen with me eating marshmallows and not going to the gym.

Right, I've decided...whether I'm well again or not, I'm going to the gym tomorrow.  Even if I only manage a wee 30min run (optimistic eh!! haha) then at least I'll have broken the 'haven't-been-to-the-gym' thing.

Yup....that's my plan....................

...............................................it's going to hurt isn't it?!?............................................................

They say there's the 7 year itch...

...and I think I've just had one!!

The original meaning for the phrase "The 7 year itch" is the inclination to become unfaithful after seven years of marriage, but the meaning is often  been extended to refer to the urge to move on from any situation, and not even limited to those of 7 years' duration.  (copied unashamedly from http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/seven-year-itch.html).

So...the past 7 years have been interesting.  They have been...em...challenging (for want of a better word)!  However, it was just this morning that I realised that I had lost something along the way ~ and this weekend I reclaimed it....and that was my cleaning mojo!!  I calculate that it was circa 2005 that it went awol.

I used to be known as 'Monica' (ref. 'Friends' and her cleaning maniacal ways) and I was ok with that - others...perhaps not so much - but in about 2005 I lost 'Monica'.  However, this weekend I reclaimed that part of my personality and it feels amazing!!  It wasn't a conscience decision, it just happened.  My flat has never been so clean and I am so darn happy.

Why-o-why am I blogging about this?  Well....I think it's symbolic (granted most things can be manipulated to look symbolic, but I'm pretty sure THIS is symbolic).  I have had a few fairly gigantuous, life altering situations in my life in the past 7 years where I've had very little control and they had a fairly substantial effect on me...which is not surprising.  However, if I had access to a time machine, I wouldn't go back and change any of it because I'm a big believer in what doesn't kill you makes you stronger (metaphorically/mentally speaking, because I'm pretty sure if you were in an accident that didn't kill you but disabled you, you probably wouldn't feel stronger in the slightest - unless we're talking mentally, in which case there is a chance that you would be, depending on how you coped with the aftermath...but I'm digressing).

So...7 difficult/challenging years, steep learning curves (yup, plural) and feeling like I'd lost part of who I am as a person, or perhaps 'carparking' some aspects of my personality for a while, however I seem to have come to a point where I'm comfortable with where I am and who I am.  I'm not naive enough to think that there are not other challenging times ahead ~ but I feel that I've managed to regain substantial parts of me that maybe I shouldn't have let go of in the first place, but hey - I've always 'liked' to learn the hard way!!

It has been most satisfying scratching this 7 year itch!!

I stepped on an ant...

...deliberately, and I still feel bad!  It was a couple of weeks ago, I was in my uncle's office chatting away to the guys there when I saw this wee ant crawl across the floor.  Before I even put my brain into gear I had splatted it with my shoe.  Why??  I've no explanation, but I do feel bad.  The ant wasn't causing me any harm nor did I detect any imminent threat to either my safety or those around me (surprisingly).

The thing is that I genuinely still feel bad for doing it.  If it had been an accident then fair enough, but I actually went out of my way to kill the ant.  What I'm now stuck with is ~ what to do next?  I'd quite like this feeling of guilt to be removed from my conscience as I'm now finding it rather bothersome...so if anyone has any suggestions, please do get in touch!

View from my adopted bench...

Blue sky with not a cloud in sight!

I returned from Morocco on Monday and I stole some of the gorgeous weather and brought it back with me.  It's amazing what you can get through customs these days!! :)  The lovely weather is certainly helping to appease my post-holiday blues.  You see I fell in love.  It took less than the 3 weeks that I was in Morocco to fall in love with the country and the people (well ok, not everyone - there simply wasn't enough time to meet everyone whilst I was out there, but the people I did meet certainly represented their country very well.  Well except perhaps the woman in the taxi who thought it was ok that Soufiane said he was going to marry me for a visa, oooh or the man who spat on the ground because he disapproved of me restyling Outman's hair!!).  I think it's always difficult to return back to 'normal' life when you've had some time out.  I'm rejuvenated by shiny, new things (when I say 'shiny, new' I mean things/places etc that are different to my 'norm') so when I get home I have to re-adjust...takes a wee while.

 So yesterday I had arranged to meet up with a couple of mates in the park after work.  We all wanted to get outside since we had all been stuck indoors for the majority of the day.  I arrived half an hour early so that I could find a quiet spot in the park and chill out.  I did a marvelous job of achieving what I set out to do and here are the photographs as evidence.

It was brilliant being re-united with my friends even though I may have upset them when I didn't answer quickly enough, when asked if I had missed them when I was away!!  (I kinda did, but I wasn't really away long enough to really, really miss them!!)

My adopted bench for the afternoon

The railway bridge crossing over the River Dee

Didi, Jb & I

Pete looking fetching in my scarf!

Me (with tan from holiday!!) & Didi

The tale of a Moroccan Rose...

There is quite high unemployment here in Morocco and also there is no social welfare.  Due to a combination of the two, there are quite a lot of beggars on the streets.  A Moroccan friend of  mine told me that he thinks about half the beggars don't actually 'need' to beg but are 'professional' beggars.  But some of the people have ingenious ways of making money.  For example there are very few places where you'll pay for parking - however, almost 100% of the time when you go to park there will be a man in a yellow reflective vest or a work overall, wandering about showing you where there are free parking spaces, helping you get in or out of a space - and when you leave you give him money....maybe about 7p -15p...so not exactly going to break the bank (a damn sight less than the criminal charges you have to pay back in Blighty).

Another way of making money is there are quite a lot of children who go around selling flowers like individually wrapped roses or for example, when we were up in Chefchaeoun, in the mountains, the kids were selling garlands of flowers.  I bought a garland of yellow flowers when I was there...

for the grand total of 2 dirhams (15pence), but then the kid came back and said that he actually wanted 5 dirhams.  My Moroccan friend Mounir told the kid that he couldn't do that, that once he's agreed a price that's the deal done, but the kid was really insistant.  So, through Mounir, I told him that if he gave me my money back I'd give him the garland back ~ which is what we did.  I wouldn't have minded giving him 5 dirhams in the first place (even though my friends told me that that would have been way too much to pay) - but I wasn't happy about him coming back after the sale to tell me that the item had gone up more than double in price.  Mounir said that there would be an adult or older child telling the kid to get more money.  So in the end I 'borrowed' the garland.

On Sunday I, with my uncle and 3 friends, went by train to the city of Fez - which I think is north-east of Rabat (me + geography =  confusion!!).  Near the end of the day we were walking along the street and I was walking with my friend Soufiane.  This little girl came running over trying to sell him a rose for me - which I thought was a bloody good idea....he wasn't so keen, but between the cute wee girl with her big brown eyes and my unashamed harrassment for him to buy me the rose, he finally gave in and bought it for me!!  :D

Granted it looks a little worse for wear now, but I still love it...my Moroccan rose!

A love affair...

...warts and all.

I arrived here in Morocco 2 weeks ago today and I'm now into my last week here.  I have fallen in love with this beautiful, colourful & exotic country, with it's friendly people who are brimming with character, tradition & customs.

The weather is crazy hot here now. It usually is 23-25degrees at this time of year in Rabat...but because I am here it's 37-40degrees!! Haha. Having said that I'm pleased to report that I'm still coping with the heat really well. I think that one of the great things about being here for 3 weeks I don't feel the need to be rushing about trying to fit a lot of things in, so I'm living at an easy pace - which to be honest fits in with the pace of life here. The only crazy fast thing around here is the bloody traffic. These people seriously cannae drive.   My uncle summed it up really well the other day about how they sometimes go about things. Traffic lights for example: "It's like someone took a photograph of traffic lights and thought 'yup, this is a good idea, let's use them' but without finding out how they are meant to work!". So true. You're standing waiting to cross the road, the green man appears, so you would expect to be able to cross the road without the fear of cars driving right at you....WRONG! The traffic that you are crossing directly in front of are stopped (well are meant to be), but the traffic that's turning the corner are on green....so it's like a giant game of chicken as to who's going to be able to cross...pedestrians or the cars!!! Brilliant!

There is no such thing as queuing around here. I remember when I first arrived in Rabat at the train station. I said to my uncle that I needed to go to the ladies. He was about to come and find me because I was taking so long!!! Why? Well I went to the ladies and stood in line....except NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE observes a queuing system here (seriously, how British do I sound??). They have absolutely no worries about pushing either right in front of you or directly into you to move you if that's going to be more effective. Being British and a bit dim, I just kept re-queuing until this big burd stood on my foot in her haste to move me out of the way and I thought "ah f*ck this" so counter-pushed her out of the way and got the next cubicle!!!  No one takes it personally...it's just how things are around here.  Trying to get service...you have to be rude (or perhaps 'assertive' would be a better word) to get served!! I have to admit that I'm a wee bit worried about coming home - it'll probably take a bit of time to re-adjust to the British way, because I have really got into the swing of things around here. It really is survival of the fittest...and I've decided that I'm darn well gonna survive!!

Oh and by the way - there is no such thing as bins around here. Everyone just throws the litter on the ground!!! I still can't do it and still gasp in shock when I see someone doing it....and then proceed to tut.  Hahahahaha. Really, it should've been the British that colognised Morocco rather than the French, they'd be in a better shape, I'm sure!!!  (JOKING!)  I found out the other day that the reason there are no bins out is because some eejit decided, a few years ago, to start bombing places up by putting bombs in bins ~ unfortunately killing people in the process.

So to sum up so far, you take your life into your hands every time you step anywhere near a road, you need to be assertive to get served or want to go to the loo and it's ok to throw your litter on the ground....and yet, despite all these things going against how I live back home, I love it here (and by the way I'm not saying that we don't have non-queuers/mental drivers/people that throw litter on the ground back in Britain- it's just not to the same extent).  I feel that when you come to Morocco you get to meet Morocco warts and all!    There is so much to fall in love with here.  I can't even begin to adequately describe how generous, friendly and warm the people are whom I've been lucky enough to meet whilst here.  There is amazing architecture, stunning scenery - especially if you go up into the mountains - and you're surrounded by such rich culture and history...I can't see that it would be possible to not fall in love with Morocco and its people. 

P.s.  It helps if you keep a good sense of humour & a smile on your face if you decided to go around the medina in Marrakech.

How things change...

On the 2nd May 2009 I flew out to the West Coast of America with my friend Miss B for a 3 week road trip holiday.  We started at San Fran, headed down the coast to LA, up to Las Vegas over to the Grand Canyon, back to LV then up to Death Valley, on to Yosemite and finally back to San Fran to catch our plane home.  It was a bloody brilliant holiday.  We got on really well & never fell out which I think is pretty impressive when you consider that we were in each others company almost 24hrs a day for 3 weeks and because Miss B had to put up with me moaning about the heat...a LOT! 

I've never been very good with the heat and there's a damn good reason for that...I was born and bred in Scotland.  Heat has never really been something I've had to get used to.  My skin is so white that I glow in the dark, which is handy sometimes but it does mean that I'm a little (understatement of the year) prone to sunburn....

This is my back after a day on the beach in Aberdeen!!  I'm a sensitive soul you see...which is reflected by my skin.
So whilst we were on holiday I found the heat quite a challenge...my eye lashes sweated (which, by the way, is nippy on ones eyes) and in general I felt uncomfortable ~ all swollen etc.

Fast forward exactly 3 years to the 2nd May 2012 and I'm flying over to Morocco to spend 3 weeks with my Uncle Kenny and Saad.  For some reason I've adapted really quickly to the heat, actually *touch wood* so far I've not been uncomfortable in the heat at all...I'd even go as far as to say that I'm enjoying it.  Only yesterday I commented that it felt a little chilly - it turns out that it was a mere 21 degrees!  Brrrrr...where's my cardi?!  However, I'm gonna be tested because it's due to get up to 33-35degrees by tomorrow.  Already this morning I've got the impression that today's gonna be a scorcher (yup - I'm milking this!!)

I have a theory that because I'm no longer carrying around excess fluid in my body, after cutting out wheat and yeast, it is why I'm coping so much better.  Water expands in the heat - hence the swelling and when you've got excess fluid in your body you sweat more (n.b. this is a theory based on no medical expertise whatsoever).

I may be a lot more comfortable in the heat, but some things don't change and in my case that would be that my skin still burns like sugar.

Anyway....must dash, it's illegal to stay indoors when the weather is as beautiful as this....

:)

So this morning I decided to...

...throw caution to the wind and change my bedding a day early!  I think it's healthy to challenge the norm and Sunday is 'change the bedding day' but this morning I woke up and thought 'hell, I know how to live life on the edge and I'm gonna prove it!'....so I stripped my bed!!  HA...take that normality!  Yeah....

I now feel like I can achieve whatever I want to today - I have thrown off the cloak of conventionality and now I feel like I can do anything!!  So I'll report back tomorrow and let you know how things pan out!!

hahahaha....oh dear!

Is sanity over-rated?

As of this morning I weigh 18lbs less than I did at the beginning of this year.  I'm very happy...not only that I'm managing to lose weight at a steady rate (ok, a wee bit too slow for my liking ~ I'm impatient) but also that I've got a way of visualising the weight.

18lbs = 1stone 4lbs = 8.1kgs =

I'm a visual person - it's how I roll!

The problem is that I don't stop 'visualising' there.  I start to think 'How did I manage to do that??  Carrying the equivalent of 8 bags of sugar around with me all the time!  I'm NOT EVEN HALF WAY!!'  So then I look at my body and wonder where the next 8 bags are going to come from.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking 'OMG...where are they going to come from, I've none left to give?!?'  There are still plenty of options.  I just wonder how my body decides where the next lot is coming from.  Obviously I'd like to nominate areas....mainly around my middle (you know I SWEAR that the other day I felt the beginnings of muscle under my insulation...I swear I did!).

Recently my weight properly plateaued and I was really disheartened.  I eat a ridiculously healthy diet and am exercising a lot.  Now, I do have to admit at this point that a few people have tried to point out that perhaps I've not been eating enough, but that sounded ridiculous to me!  I eat.  I LOVE food.  But, I am used to having to be strict with what I eat AND I'm in the mind-set of "am trying to lose weight, don't eat too much - you FAT cow" so it has been difficult for me to 'hear' what I'm being told.  Also my main focus has been on which foods I am having problems with rather than being concerned with calorie content etc.

However, the other day I was Skyping with my friend Claire and I was moaning (shocker!) about how my weight loss had stopped.  So she asked me what I was eating and I listed off a normal day - as I did this she took a rough guess at the calorie content of each meal, by the end of my spiel, she said...

"Em Jo, I don't think that you're even taking in enough calories to cover a normal day and that's without exercising on top of that! No wonder you are not losing weight."

Me: Eh?

She suggested that I try out 'MyFitnessPal' which is a free website, you enter age, current weight, height and target weight.  It then works out how many calories, carbs, fat & protein you should be aiming for each day.  You then enter everything you eat (which I'm used to doing from keeping my food diary (wow, reading this back I have to wonder how I cope with being so blimmin exciting!!)), any exercise and it keeps a running total.  I did a couple of days from my food diary and it turned out that I was eating somewhere between 750-1000 calories too few a day!  Em....oops!

My new challenge is to try to make sure that I eat enough each day!!  HOLY TOOT...I NEVER thought I'd hear myself say that.  Fortunately I think I've nailed it...hahaha.  Since eating 'enough' I've managed to lose 3lbs, also my energy levels and focus have started to improve.

I have to fess up that I think part of the reason that I've started to 'listen' to this advice is that someone said to me that if you don't feed your body enough then it starts to eat muscle rather than fat as the protein from muscle will keep your body going longer than fat.  Well...immediately my visually-operated brain honed into that piece of information and I now freak out that I've got these wee monsters running about my body nibbling on all my newly formed muscle...FREAKS ME OUT!

Hence why, from this day forth, I'm going to ensure that I'm eating enough!!  As for questioning my sanity, well I just don't have enough hours in the day...

The simplest things...

...can sometimes be the hardest!

I've had an incredible week and I've wanted to write about it but the few attempts I've had have been...well pretty pants (rubbish)!  My first attempt was pathetic...it was no where near adequate, my second was a fair reflection on how I feel at the moment but it just didn't read very well and my last attempt...there are no words to describe just how ridiculous it was.

My last post ended up being a bit of a Sunday morning moan, which is a blimin cheek!  I have a great life...I really am blessed!  I was thinking the other day that I must have a guardian angel, who granted on occasion has maybe taken some extended holidays, but on the whole I do feel like I've got someone looking after me.  But the reality is not that I have someone looking out for me but that I have got lots of people who look out for me (in addition to my guardian angel of course - I'm thinking along the lines of Clarence Odbody from 'It's a Wonderful Life'!).

I have to admit that I am writing this very much for my own benefit.  I know that when things get a little difficult or challenging that it is very easy to forget all the amazing things that I have in my life.  SO the plan is that when I start to moan that 'life is not fair' I'll hopefully read this to remind me of two things:-

1.  The REPEATED conversations I used to have with my dad when I was wee (I say wee, we probably had this conversation within the past year)...

Me:    Och min....life's not fair!
Dad:  Who said life is fair?

Short but to the point, I'm sure you'll agree!!

2.  What a difference all the amazing people in my world make to my life.  From the friends who pop round for a cuppa, a chat and a laugh; the wee reminders letting me know that I'm in someones thoughts to the friends who make "small" gestures which mean the world to me!!  I have family & friends around me to celebrate wins or pick me up when I fall and stand by me when I need their strength and support.  And there are all the times I've been forgiven!!  I make mistakes, many mistakes...I try to ensure that I vary them so that no one gets bored, but whatever form they take, they are still there...and I'm lucky enough to have people around me who forgive me.

So me-of-the-future, if you dare to feel sorry for yourself without GOOD reason, and even then, please take a moment to remember that you are still one very lucky lady!!

There's seizing the day and there's...

...pummelling the poop out of it!!  In recent years I have come to the realisation that I am driven, in a large part, by the desire to live life to the full.  I don't want to be a spectator in my own existance.  "Carpe diem" - seize the day!!  However, I think that I sometimes take that a little too far OR perhaps I need to re-evaluate what seizing the day actually means to me.  I am coming to the conclusion that my current definition can verge on being a wee bit detrimental to my well-being.

It's when I find myself saying 'there are just not enough hours in the day'.  Well, that's just plain ridiculous....of course there are enough hours in the day, I am either not utilising them to best effect or I've got my priorities mix up OR perhaps I'm just greedy.  I want to do it all!!!  I want to spend lots of time with all my friends, I want to be fit & healthy, I want to do all the activities I enjoy...cooking, eating, exercising, reading, doing arty-farty stuff, watching Suits, The Mentalist, films etc.  I want to feel like I'm in control and on top of things (ie. not missing friend's birthdays!!), I want to work so that I have money to aid my existance (well, ok I want the money part of that!)...and the list goes on.

Take yesterday for example.  I had a great but mega busy day.  I got up, ran, showered, cycled to my friend's place, helped her move from her top floor flat into a 1st floor flat (but unfortunately not in the same building!)...cycled home, had a quick cuppa with Jutta Saint at my place, went for lunch with a friend, scooted into town to meet a couple of mates for a cuppa and shopping.  Got home, changed and went out to a another friend's place for a v.tasty dinner then at 10.30pm headed into town to meet a good friend for catch up drinks because he's visiting for the weekend.

Brilliant day...but unfortunately I didn't stay out as long as I wanted and by the time I got to the pub to see my mate I was shattered so wasn't on best form.  I ended up bailing at 12.30am.  I also had 3 vodka & oranges and felt....well not great!  {This does not spell the end of me & alcohol....it is just a blip, I'm sure of it!!}

It was when I got home that it dawned on me that the feeling of being overwhelmed was creeping in to my life.  Biggest indicator??  The state of my flat.  It is a MESS.  It needs a good tidy up and clean.  I have a theory that my home is a visual representation of what's going on in my head....going by the current state of my flat...oh deary me!

It is at times like this that the uneasy feeling about my financial position starts to raise its ugly head.  I have a pretty constant arguement with myself about money.  I'm not in a great financial position at the moment, but I'm getting by and sorting things out.  I'm on a great big count down to the end of 2014 when all my debts (except mortgage and student loan) shall be paid off but in the mean time I still need to live.  I live to a tight-ish budget most of the time, but 1. it could be tighter and 2. I sometimes fall off the wagon.  But at the same time I think; yup, budget could be tighter and I could have a far more frugal existance but 1. How dull and 2. What happens if I die before I get to the debt-free point and I've spent my last few months being frugal and dull?!?

Then to top it all off...there is the 'icannotbearsed' voice in my head.  For example, I have the whole of today ahead and I've not made any plans.  I started off, before falling asleep, giving myself permission to sleep in this morning.  So I slept til 7am and spent an hour or so pretending to sleep, then switched on my laptop culminating in writing this.  Rest of the day I need to tidy up & clean flat.  Launder clothes. Sort mountains of paperwork that seem to be self-growing, put the items I've looked out to sell on ebay (you know, to help with the de-cluttering of flat and generating income part), do some work because I didn't really clock enough hours last week (blaming the weather & my rollerboots!), I've got a couple of projects that I've promised people I'll get back to them on, and I need to have another look at my finances and perhaps reconsider my view on living, what could potentially be my last few months of life, being frugal and dull.

The Result?  I've worked out that the 'icannotbearsed' voice and the overwhelmed feeling are one and the same. ..well they certainly come hand in hand.

This morning I played...

...dress up!!  Normally my working day begins like this...

I jump out of bed and I stumble to the kitchen
I pour myself a cup of...fruit tea, yawnin, stretching, trying to come alive....
(thanks Dolly!)

Then I go through to my desk in my living room, switch on my desktop and my day begins.  But this morning was different.  This morning I decided that I wanted to dress up!  By that I mean put on random pieces of clothing, jewellery, shoes etc that normally don't see the light of day and strut about in them for a while - usually until I get bored - then put on something else.  So this morning I threw on a beautiful but rather dangerous pair of Faith shoes that my good friend Monkey gave me...

Then I found a necklace that I bought on holiday a few years ago in Valencia, so threw that on, along with a dress that I hardly ever wear.  

It was then that I realised that I was missing a trick...and that this was an ideal opportunity to...

...pull on my rainbow socks!!! (I'm fairly certain that everyone has a pair and those that don't shall undoubtedly now be coveting them!!)

And then, that's right...strap on my rollerboots!!  

             

Can you tell that I'm skating AT the camera?

Darrrahhhhh....a graceful stop and a successful friday!!  :)

Perhaps it's time to wear them out in public...?!?

My story so far...

...

At the beginning of this year I had the rather horrible but necessary wake up call about my weight and lack of fitness.  So I set myself the challenge of losing weight (4stone/56lbs) and getting fit.  With the help of many friends, both old & new, I have come to the end of Q1 and thought it was time for an update.

To date I have lost 1stone & 1 lb (15lbs/6.8kg).  Now I must admit that I am was am was a little disappointed as I thought I would have made more progress by now.  However, the reason I am not disheartened too much is because I am shrinking and getting markedly fitter.  It's a bit of a catch22 situation, as it turns out, because I am set on becoming fit and this means that I am building muscle and muscle is heavier than fat (or so I'm told...this is one bandwagon that I'm gonna have to jump on because otherwise I'd be gutted at my slow weight loss, and I have no other explanation).

I stated at the beginning of the year that my ultimate goal is to lose 4stone, however after taking professional advice it appears that I might have set my sights a little too high.  So I have re-adjusted my sights to losing between 3 to 4 stone in total (ie. I've got between 2 to 3 stone (28lbs/12.7kg - 42lbs/19kgs) to go) and I'm going to judge whenever I get to the stage where I feel happy & confident with my body then maintain it - simples - hahahaha!




In the meantime I'm proud to say that I've achieved some smaller goals that either I or others have set me.  This month I ran the Garioch (Inverurie) 5km, after my friend Didi entered me (she ran the half marathon, beating her PB by 5 mins!!).  I managed my run in 34mins (on the nose).  I was very happy with the time and delighted with my medal...      
       

The following weekend I set out on a run, not knowing where I was going and ended up managing to run 5miles (just over 8km) in 53mins.  I managed the first 3 miles in 30mins, but to be fair I still haven't got over the fact that I managed to run that far in the first place.  I mean, if you think about it, there really is no need in this day and age...it's why we've invented the bicycle, cars, motorbikes etc.  Anyway...it happened and there's no taking it back.

The following day, I set off on a cycle with my friend Jutta (or, as I like to call her, Jutta Saint, but because she's German she doesn't get the reference.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMLCrzy9TEs )  {link to 2008 remix of 'Something going'} or the original... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUxhNWDlGts)

We have stunning weather at the moment, so we decided that a cycle down the coast to Stonehaven would be nice.  Now, here's my thinking....Aberdeen is NORTH and Stonehaven is SOUTH - therefore the cycle should (in my world) have been mainly downhill.  Also with Stonehaven being a mere 13 miles away by car, it wouldn't be that bad.  However, we took the official cycle route 'down' to Stonehaven which meant that we ended up cycling 26miles (I didn't not learn this until we arrived in Stonehaven...) and went up enough hills to equal cycling up Ben Nevis (not been officially checked - just take my word for it).  It was a beautiful day though and once we had decided that we would take the train for the return journey, the pressure was off.

 At top of a hill, west of Portlethen

Blue sky....FACT!                  

 

Our chariots....Jutta's modern & VERY light one on the left.  My rustic (rusty?) shabby chic and VERY heavy one on the right.  The weight makes a difference on the hills...who knew??!

Me, delighted at still being able to stand & showing off the whitest arms in the world - and yes, of course I burnt!!

Jutta Saint....Ju, Ju, Ju, Jutta saint! :) 

Top of another hill....stunning views & weather!

Use of photography as excuse to collapse on ground as opposed to admitting that my legs had turned to jelly! (Not even half way at this point!!)

My beloved but very heavy bike!

First glimpse of Stonehaven (all downhill from this point - BRILLIANT!) 

North Sea at Stonehaven in March!!

Old Harbour, Stonehaven

View from restaurant

Stonehaven train station

Random sign-post showing distance

After some lunch we get to Stonehaven Train Station, buy our tickets and wait patiently 20 minutes for the next train to pull into the station.  Duly and on-time, a really, really long train pulls up.  We see the conductor so approach him and I ask if there was room on the train for our bikes.
Conductor: Yes.
Me: Magic, where do we board?
Conductor: Oh, have you booked?
Me: Emm....nope.
Conductor: Ah well then you can't board the train.  You need to book, we then ASK the driver IF he minds stopping the train so that the carriage that holds bikes can stop at the platform THEN you can board. But it can't be done this time!
Me:  Eh?
Conductor:  You'll just have to wait for the next train (which is run by a different operator) and see if they can take you.
Me:  Right....em...thanks!?!

WTF....what kind of lame ass, useless service is that??  So Jutta Saint jumped on the train by herself to get back to Aberdeen to pick up her van and drive back down to Stonehaven and collect me and the bikes.  Meanwhile I'm left on the platform with two bikes.  All I needed to do was get from one platform to the other, which just happened to be on the other side of the train tracks.

I look around and spot the disabled ramp access....so I start my journey.  Now, it is important I point out that that I'm shattered, therefore not as competent at usual.  I managed the first bit, you know the downhill in a straight line part, easily enough.  Then I get to a tight turn at the bottom, which of course was next to the road and traffic lights.  Yes, there was a queue of traffic and yes of course I got stuck.  Properly wedged between the two bikes and the corner.   By the way, for your information, there is absolutely no way of looking cool in a situation like that.  Luckily this lovely lady came over and asked if I would like any help.  I would have hugged her if I could have moved, but she was in luck (I was all sweaty & smelly) - I was still stuck.  Between the two of us we managed to free me and the bikes, causing no damage.  The lovely lady then wheeled one of the bikes to the other side of the station (ok, confession time:  I realise in this situation I should have handed over my scubby old, worthless bike to the random-stranger-that-I-knew-nothing-about, but I didn't...I gave her Jutta Saint's brand new bike!!  Thank goodness she didn't do a runner, because I was in no fit state to catch up with her, nor am I in the position to replace Jutta Saint's bike).

Eventually we got home safely.

I don't know if anyone else has noticed but there appears to be a theme involving me, exercise and my not knowing what I'm letting myself in for!!  However, on reflection, I suspect this is probably for the best.  The older I get the less I see the attraction of going to see a fortune teller...I have learnt through numerous experiences that I manage to achieve things by not knowing what I'm letting myself in for.


So my journey continues.  My weight loss has slowed down but it's still going in the right direction.  I have found myself getting increasing addicted to exercise (today's lunch is a jaunt to the gym for boot camp followed by TRX).  I'm pleased to report that over-all I'm feeling great.  Good energy levels, better focus and generally happier!  Now if someone could please tell me why it's so darn easy to fall off this bandwagon when it makes one feel so great...that would be helpful.


Oh....I thought I should share photos of my fridge of inspiration (for the ultimate figure I would love my body to be like).  I've used images of models from the clothing store that I buy clothes from (Pepperberry) as they produce clothing from ladies with big boobies.  Obviously this is aspirational but I believe if you shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars...

                     

                     

   

With a little plastic surgery etc...

                     

Yup...I have Michael Fish on my Fridge.
The man's a legend!!