...not one, but two ninja 'moments'. I didn't even know that 'moments' could be ninja, but there you are!!
I am grateful for these two 'moments' that I wasn't expecting nor asking for. Both are related to former relationships and because there had been no expectation nor reliance on having them they have been most impactful and I feel they have given me a different perspective.
The first one came when I had a friend over for dinner. After we had eaten we went through to the living room to chat and the conversation lead me to telling my friend about a necklace that an ex had given me after he had finished with me (pre-conversation I would've said 'dumped me' but the reality is (which my friend pointed out) he was the one who had the balls to call time on our flailing relationship and I've also really gone off the term 'dumped' it really is such ugly terminology). I had worn the necklace once in the 5ish years since we broke up. It's a beautiful necklace and it's not like I think of that ex as the love of my life, but I have to admit that I had difficulty with wearing it for a couple of reasons.
The first - I couldn't really get my head round the fact that he had sent me a gift after we finished. We had never exchanged gifts in the time we had been dating so it came as quite a surprise.
The other being that I felt that I ought to have returned it. I agonised over this dilemma for some time then I decided to ask my friends for their opinions in the hope (of course) that they would confirm my decision to return it and (naturally) show outrage that he dared to send me a beautiful gift after finishing with me. However I was rather let down on this expectation. It was, in particular, my male friends that told me that I would insult him if I returned it. INSULT HIM?? Insult the guy that has just dumped me???? Seriously?! So I thought about it for a while longer, rather stunned at the opinions I had solicited, when one of my mates took me out for a drink and explained why he thought I ought to keep the necklace. His reasoning being that my ex was under no obligation nor had there been any expectation on him to get me anything and that the note (sorry, forgot to mention, there had been a lovely note sent along with the gift saying that he thought I was a lovely person and he was sorry that things hadn't worked out blah, blah) had back that up....and no, I was not being a money-grabber by accepting the gift!
So I didn't return the necklace, instead I wrote him a letter thanking him and of course saying that I hadn't been sure if I should keep it or not but I didn't want to insult him blah, blah, blah...but all the time thinking "I should be returning the gift"!
This decision never sat well with me (not that I thought about it on a regular basis) - not until I had the conversation with my friend about it. She listened to my story, then said...
'Wow...he sounds like a really nice guy'.
Me: Yeah he was
Friend: It sounds like you liked & respected each other.
Me: Uhuh....(not sure that I was liking where the conversation was going)
Friend: And it also sounds like the relationship wasn't working out mainly through circumstances and that you knew that yourself?
Me:...........em....uhuh.........are you trying to make a point???
Friend: Can I see the necklace?
Me: Yup
Friend: It's beautiful.
Me: Yup, it is.
Friend: You must have been special to him.
Me: ..................em....................
Friend: Well, if you don't want it, can I have it??
Me: Eh....nope!
She made her point well....and I have worn the necklace since. The 'moment' out of all of this was that through that one conversation my friend has managed to change the way I see the necklace and the 'symbolism' around it in a new light. I no longer feel that it was strange - unusual yes, but no longer strange.
The other moment was that I just saw a really unflattering photograph of another, more recent ex of mine on facebook and it has made my day (yes, because I'm immature...but I can live with that)!!!
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