There's no such thing as a stupid question....

...HA...I care to disagree!!

Example number 1. (& this is the question that I crown the all time most stupid question that I can think of & not just when I'm being asked it, but when I witness others being asked it or WORSE when, on the rare occasion, I've found myself ask this bloody stupid question!!):

"Why are you single?"

Eh??  Well...I'd have to go with 'Because I'm not in a relationship!'  One of the many reasons why that is a stupid question...for someone to ask that question, they would need to know that the person is single in the first place, so they know that they are not in a relationship - ergo there was no need to ask the question in the first place!
Someone may come back with 'Ah, but I'm asking the question looking for what the reasoning is behind you being single'.  Well...that, my non-friend, turns a stupid question into a crap question.  Why?  By asking that question, looking for the 'reasoning' behind the status of singleness, implies that that person is not quite 'complete' or hasn't quite 'made it' until they are in a relationship AND/OR infers that there may be something wrong with that person since they are not in a relationship!!  If that's what you mean, be more honest about it and ask 'What's wrong with you that no one has chosen to enter into a partnership with you?  Bad breath? Bucket fanny?  Inverted willy?'  (Ok, I don't know if inverted willies actually exist, I'm just throwing things in here - but there's a really good chance I'm going to google it to find out).

Personally, I think IF you really feel the need to pry into someone's personal life, you'd be better off asking 'Are you happy being single?'  Therefore you are giving that person the opportunity to say 'yes' without sounding like they are trying to defend themselves or go over-board in their response in letting you know that they are content.  Some may not be; hell I've got friends who are friggin nightmares when they are single.  They freak out, they think that they are incomplete and/or come across as being needy and are embarrassed by their singleness.  I've got to the stage where if they are single, I avoid them!  Mainly because they are dull because all they do is jibberjabber on & on about boys/girls; but also because I feel like banging their heads up against a wall, and apparently that's 1. Illegal & 2. Not conducive for the health of ones friendship.

Example number 2:

"Do you want a marshmallow?"

I don't think I need to even entertain this one with an explanation!

Which leads me nicely onto...

Example number 3:

"Why am I fat?"

Em....taking a stab in the dark - it's because you over-eat and under exercise?!?!  You know the answer - you just don't like it.  I know the answer and I don't like it, but I'm not making it worse by asking that bloody stupid question out loud!  I may be asking it internally whilst I stuff the last of a bag of marshmallows that I 'found' in my kitchen cupboard down my throat, or when I find myself putting that block of Lurpak into my shopping basket, but never out loud!

And my final example for this rant post is....

"Have you got pmt?"

Dude....if the female on the receiving end of this question does, it's a bloody stupid time to ask that question.  If the female on the receiving end of this question does not then it's a bloody stupid time to ask that question - therefore, play it safe and don't ask that question because it's stupid!!  (I would have to say though that you're less likely to get killed if you're a female asking that question of another female, but even then there are strict guidelines - ones which you learn very, very quickly with experience!).


I think it's very important to say at this point that this is not an exhaustive list & if you are sitting there reading this and have something you wish you add/say, please do so!!  In the mean time I'm going to call my mate who's a pilot and ask him once again why aeroplanes stay up in the sky without crashing to the ground (most of the time)....

8" + 20 years = happy times...

...or it can = an 'OH WHAT?!' moment.  Guess which '=s' moment I got???

I came across a leather belt that my parents bought for me when I was 17.  My dad had to add 2 holes to the belt because it was too big for me...nearly 20 years later I find it and stupidly try it on!?!?!?!  Seriously what.was.I.thinking???  8 friggin inches....my waist is EIGHT inches bigger than when I was 17! :(

This is no good at all...so I have decided to set myself............THE BELT CHALLENGE!!!

I am going to use my belt as my marker.  I suspect that I'd have to lose some vital organs to get back to my 17 year old bodies waist measurement, but if I can meet it half way I'd be delighted.  First step is to lose my first 2" by the end of March, 2013.  I suspect that it'll take a wee bit longer to loose the 2nd couple of inches, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it (or just change the goal posts of this challenge if I'm getting bored (which, let's face it, is the most likely outcome!)).

Here is a photo of a photo of me at 17, wearing the belt.  And yes, I'm adorning a 'double-denim' look - which, I can assure you, was v.cool at the time.  The jean waistcoat had been my dad's in the early 70's (which I customized) and I'm pretty sure that I'm wearing a M&S body suit under the waist coat and both of those iconic clothing items are teamed with a black pair of 501s!! 
That's right people - I've always had my finger on the pulse of fashion!!  

(I'm taking the photograph with my still beloved Praktica B200 - a proper camera!!!)

I was going to include a photograph of me wearing my belt, but as it turns out, I don't own a pair of high-waisted jeans any more....actually I think I might be deluding myself about only being 8" bigger - I think I'm going to go off and cry for a bit.  
However, I'd like to sign off on a positive note by letting you all know that I've made a start on my Belt Challenge.  I have looked out all unhealthy foods that resided in my home and have eaten them.  I now feel a teeny-weeny bit sick - but all the chocolate etc has GONE!  Job done! :)

Since when was it 'romantic' to have...

...'Good Pals' on a love-heart sweetie??  You know the ones?  I'm pretty sure that when I was younger they used to have 'Be mine', 'Kiss Me', 'Love You' or 'Blue Eyes' (which seems as romantic as saying 'Long Hair' or 'High cheek-bones'...but whatever floats your boat!!) - but could you imagine receiving a love-heart sweetie that says 'Good Pals' on it (especially if you went to my school where 'pal' meant 'personal @rse licker!! - very mature and creative...but we were only kids!! Still makes me laugh though!!)?!?!  I suppose it could be one way of getting a message across to a guy or gal who you think may have a crush on you, and you're not feeling the same way - but is that really the point of the love-heart sweetie??  I don't think so.

The great thing about all these wee messages is that they distract you as you devour a whole pack, because you are sitting there either taking the piss out of them as you resort to 'Really???...*munch, munch*' as your only response to what's written on your sweetie, it takes away from concentrating on the fact that you've just eaten 143 or however many are in a pack these days.

It's probably just as well that I ate these in the privacy of my home because I do talk out loud throughout the whole pack.  You should've heard me when I got to the one that said 'Angel Face' -
Me: Hell yeah - tell it like it is!!
(You only look like an eejit if there is someone there as a witness!!).

So, we're only a couple of days away from St.Valentine's Day - yippeeeee...eee..ee (for those of you who don't read sarcasim - that 'yippeeeee...eee..ee' was sarcastic).  It's not that I'm bitter (well I am, but that's about other things in life; nothing to do with this one day a year when yet again those jealous b*st*rds at the post office steal all my Valentine cards, gifts and flowers) but it's through frustration that when one wants to have a rant about how commercial it all is...some tube (someone that no doubt the postal people have no issues with and most likely receive their Valentines every year) decides that the source of my rant is bitterness, therefore totally undermining my very valid point - because if you argue that you're not bitter, guess what??  You sound bitter!!

I did receive a Valentine's once.  I lived in a hotel, just outside of Edinburgh for a while, a few years back and I was staying over Valentine's.  One of the waiters gave me a glass of champagne and wished me happy Valentine's.  It wasn't until I started to drink that he fessed up that he'd stolen it from the wedding that was taking place in the hotel - well it's not like I could've returned it - so I did the decent thing and drank it quickly so that we didn't get caught.  One of the other waiters announced that he could do better than that...he went away for a few minutes and came back with a single red rose for me...

...that he'd cut out of The Sun newspaper!!  Hahahaha....but you know what, I've still got it - and the great thing is that I don't remember the waiter's name, so it's in the true spirit of not knowing who gave me the Valentine's (well...you gotta work with what you've got!!).

So, my sore tummy & I are off to get giddy with excitement with the thought that perhaps the postie has retired and there's a new, non-jealous replacement who shall deliver all the Valentine's that my admirers are sure to have sent....and if he hasn't retired, then perhaps HAND DELIVERY is the way forward!?!?!?! <-- ok, there is a hint somewhere in that last sentence, I just don't want it to be missed!!