Day 4 - After a pleasant and productive morning of preparing food & stock items for the kitchen cupboards and freezer...flavoured salts, big pot of soup with homemade stock, herb ice-cubes with left-over stock etc, I chose to do something that I've never done or wanted to do before - I had Josh take a photo of me standing in my underwear. No breathing in, no flattering angles or filters. It was awful; both the experience and the resulting image.
I don't want to be unfit nor carry about all this excess weight. I don't want my boobs to be competing with my bellies over which wobbles the most when doing any kind of physical activity. I want to be able to climb the stairs to the Penthoose without being out of breath. I want to run if I feel like running, and having that whooooshy feeling of freedom that I used to get as a kid. I want to try so many different activities and sports without thinking about how my lack of fitness will let me down, and have those waves of embarrassment crash over me when I hold up a group activity because I'm stuck or have run out of energy/strength/breath.
I want my body to live up to my mind's image of me.
I feel that to properly embrace this new life-style and achieve my goals, I have to face me. I have to truly recognise who and where I am; what I have done to get here and hopefully try and understand all my triggers and weaknesses, whilst also taking the time to identify and amplify my motivators. How else can I win this fight with my weaker-self?
I am guilty of being rather gun-ho. I completely over-hauled my diet (I managed to cut out processed sugar completely from my diet for 4 whole months, until that fateful trip to Glasgow involving a bag or 3 of tablet!!). I threw myself into exercise (I was going to the gym regularly and managed to improve my general level of fitness 10 fold until that fateful trip to the gym involving me, a spin bike and the resulting de-gloving of my leg).
What I have not done is what I am doing this time. I am facing myself, which is an ugly and uncomfortable thing to do. I am setting out my goals which are life-long, rather than 'I want to lose X amount of weight for this event/date/holiday'. If I make short term goals, then as soon as I get there then it's game-over in my head. I can't think like that, I need to implement this as a life-long, life-style change.
With this in mind I have my own set of rules:
- I am not giving up Gin. I enjoy gin, it stays.
- I'm not giving up Earl Grey Tea, it stays for the same reason as gin.
- I will not count calories or points - it doesn't work for me, it's just so bloody dull.
- I will indulge in cooking more, it's something that I really enjoy plus it's essential for the success of my new life-style.
- Start saving for a dish-washer!!
- My aim is to cut down on processed sugars so they are at a minimum...obviously my love of a good G&T scuppers me cutting them out all together.
- Move more!! I used to be such an active person, and I miss that a lot! So that makes it worth fighting for. This involves me going to the gym in my current state, which is challenging but fuck it, I got myself into this state, I need to get myself out!
- Stay mindful.
- Prioritise things that make me happy and work at maintaining that priority.
- Eat. Both properly and regularly.
- Sleep (this is a big one for me as I often suffer from insomnia, hopefully improved diet and exercise shall help combat this)
- Be kind.
I don't think that this list is complete, but it's my starting point...
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