I really do. I was sitting at the bus station last week waiting for - well my bus to turn up, when I realised that I was sitting there imagining all the conversations that the buses would have with each other. This wee bus came scooting in a bit too fast if you ask me and I'm sure that Humphry (the 210 to Ballater) agrees with me as I'm pretty sure he shot this wee bus a look of 'Oi, slow down ye wee shite'. Then it dawned on me...I'm not a fruit loop, I'm just a product of my childhood. Which goes to explain why I think roundabouts are magical and why I believe all Jamie's should have magic torches!!
On my return journey, a few moments after stepping off my bus, this portly gentleman took a rather nasty tumble just in front of me (probably bowled over by my beauty....or something like that??). All of us standing nearby rushed to help him. He was really quite big, so it took 3 of us to help him to his feet. He only had one eye and was wearing hearing aids in both ears and had a walking stick - it must have been awfully disorienting and embarrassing falling in front a large group of people. Of course everyone was concerned for him, we managed to get him to a bench, retrieve his glasses and collected up his belongings for him. Then once I was as sure, as I could be, that he was OK (he refused offers of someone calling for medical assistance) I went on my way.
Two things came from this incident. One - It warmed my heart that so many people were willing to help this poor man, and two - it prompted some memories of my own to come rushing back.
It was the early 2000's, I was studying at Art School and I used to cycle into the city centre to my job working in a call centre for a telecom company. One summer's morning I was cycling to said job, through rush hour traffic. I approached a busy junction in the bus lane (cyclists can use bus lanes in the UK), the traffic in the lane to my right was at a stand still but I had a free lane ahead of me and I also had the right of way so I pushed on. The next thing I was aware of was flying through the air going over the handle bars of my bike & then saw my bike then go over my head then I came-to under the front of a white van (which had been crossing over our lanes of traffic to turn right, but hadn't seen me due to the lane of stand-still traffic to my right)...thankfully not under the front tyres, which were rather scarily close to my body. I remember feeling very dizzy and disorientated but more than that, I had an over-whelming feeling of humiliation!! Strange I know. There was nothing to feel humiliated or embarrassed about - but that's how I felt. On reflection I think that as adults we are not so used to falling over, so when it does happen, whether or not it's our fault - one of our automatic emotions is embarrassment.
I remember a lot of people coming over and helping me, someone picked up my bike and the two of us were taken to the pavement. I think I gabbled a lot of thank yous - yes I'm ok - thank you! Thankfully one lovely guy didn't believe me. So he insisted on walking me to my office and passing me over to one of my colleagues. Unfortunately, I was so shaken up that I never found out his name or anything about him, so I never got the opportunity to thank him for his kindness.
As it turned out, I had to go to hospital as I'd hurt my knee quite badly, was still dizzy and had a bit of a headache. I'm still thankful to this day that I had had the sense to wear a cycle helmet!!
Now...you'd perhaps think that that would be the end of the story - well of course not!!
So the following day I called my dad to ask if he could pick up my bike for me - also this was my way of letting my parents know that I had had a wee accident. Dad asked if I had reported it to the police. I said that I hadn't because I really didn't have anything to tell them that would have been of use. I couldn't describe the van other that it being a white one (narrows it down) and I hadn't asked for contact details from any of the witnesses (too shaken up/shocked). My dad then pointed out that there are 2 CCTV cameras at that junction so perhaps they would have captured the incident on them. So I dutifully called the police. This is as close to a transcript of the conversation as my memory shall allow...
Policeman: Good morning, Grampian Police, how may I help?
Me: *clears throat* ah good morning, how are you? (nervous & still shaken).
Policeman: I'm well thank you - and yourself?
Me: Ah well...you see I was in a wee incident yesterday and I've been told to call you to report it!
Policeman: Well now, you've got my attention, what happened?
So I described what had happened the previous day but I think I may have used descriptions like 'so the next thing I knew I was flying over my handle bars - you know, like superman - ....'
Policeman (chuckling): Oh my, that doesn't sound fun. Now what about the driver?
Me: Yeah, I think he was ok, but I forgot to ask!
Policeman (now laughing): Em...no, that's not what I meant. Did he/she stop and make sure you were ok or give you his/her details.
Me: No Officer, he didn't!!
Policeman: What a wee scoundrel!!
Me: Hahaha...yeah that's one way to put it but I would use slightly more colourful language!!
The policeman advised me that they would have Officers round later that day to take a statement...and they did.
They were 2 lovely policemen, who came in, had a cup of tea (each - I didn't make them share) and took my statement. I had said something along the lines of - I think I may have bounced when I landed - and as quick as a shot one of the policemen said 'Well you've got some great inbuilt airbags there!!'
HAHAHAHA....not only did I laugh at what he'd said, but the look of shock on his face (& his colleague's) immediately after he'd said it was absolutely priceless!! It has to have been one of the greatest ice-breakers I've ever had with a policeman (well except perhaps the time I shouted at an officer for following me in his car....but that's a different story).
The police did check the CCTV camera footage but unfortunately BOTH cameras had been pointing in the wrong direction!! Typical!!
So I was off work for 2 weeks whilst my knee sorted itself out so I could walk again. In the meantime of course it became my 'story'. Then one weekend my landlords came by the house. They were a lovely older couple (v.good landlords) and they had popped by to make sure that I was OK.
For some inexplicable reason the following wordage emerged from my voicebox...
"yeah, so next thing I knew I was being ejaculated off of my bike seat!!"
Why-o-why....I OBVIOUSLY meant to say 'ejected' but no,no...I had to say ejaculated!! I remember the two of them excusing themselves to the kitchen and then I heard giggling!! OHTHEEMBARRASSMENT!!!
The moral of these tales....if you ever are on hand to help someone after an incident/accident which involves them falling down or being 'ejaculated' off of their bike seat please remember that they are probably very embarrassed (but possibly not as embarrassed as they will be after using the word 'ejaculated' to describe how they came off their bike seat!!).
Then I go through to my desk in my living room, switch on my desktop and my day begins. But this morning was different. This morning I decided that I wanted to dress up! By that I mean put on random pieces of clothing, jewellery, shoes etc that normally don't see the light of day and strut about in them for a while - usually until I get bored - then put on something else. So this morning I threw on a beautiful but rather dangerous pair of Faith shoes that my good friend Monkey gave me...
Then I found a necklace that I bought on holiday a few years ago in Valencia, so threw that on, along with a dress that I hardly ever wear. 
...pull on my rainbow socks!!! (I'm fairly certain that everyone has a pair and those that don't shall undoubtedly now be coveting them!!)
